Greetings to the Father, Angels and saints in Christ. I hear the Holy Spirit asking me how come David married Bathsheba. Remember her from 2 Sam 11? Well, she prostituted herself and got her the man. His passion for her appeared never to have been slated since he went on to have children with her and she remained his wife up to the time of his death (1 kings 1). However, Bathsheba came with a high price which cost David more than she was worthy of (2 Sam 12).

The price was told to David by the prophet and maybe he should have put her away at that time, who knows? God’s approval of their son Solomon was in no way an approval of the marriage. He was just working good out of evil. Do you get the point? Even Solomon appeared to have become infected with the spirit of lust if you read about his love for many strange or heathen women (1 Kings 11:1). His mother was one, after all, so he had no problem with that!

I will now proceed to explore the second point on this topic which is “DON’T THROW YOURSELF AT HIM – MEN ARE HUNTERS”. Just in case you don’t believe me, I actually heard a prominent, eligible man say something to that effect. Yes, society tells the modern-day woman that it is ok to go get him if you are interested in him. As a result, in desperation we make the phone calls, invite him out and do whatever we can to gain his favor and love. But do you know that is a deception from the pits of hell? That adage is actually intended for you to lose the man you try to get through active pursuit. The man will not acquiesce, he will flee! Even if he allows you to “catch” him, he will never let you feel valued and safe in the relationship. Maybe he will comply for some secret reason that he will never disclose.

Can we learn from the example of the wife in Songs of Sol 1: 4 when she tells her husband to “draw me, we will run after thee: the king hath brought me into his chambers”. There is an element of appeal or drawing from the male to the female. Do you know what I am talking about? Let him be the one to wine and dine you as the wife taught in Songs of Sol 2: 4, when she told us that “he brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love”.

By the way, where did the beloved disappear to in Songs of Sol 3: 1-4 and why did he disappear? This woman was married to King Solomon and scriptures teach us that he loved many strange women. Was he with one of them?

The point is that the man can do a disappearing act on you and pursuit will not bring him to you. Sounds hard but true.

When the woman becomes the protagonist to a man, he becomes disoriented and defends his right to be in control by taking himself out of reach. Therefore, the object of your desire will always be emotionally if not physically unattainable. He may let you date him, especially if he is receiving a sexual reward, use of your car, free tickets to the ball game and other favors. This is the spirit of exploitation and once he is satisfied that he has gotten all he wants, you wake up one morning and he is married to some other woman and you wonder how on earth did that happen!

Eve, Rebekah, Ruth and the women of old did not have to chase their men. They were given to them. In the case of Boaz, he was an active protagonist in the pursuit of Ruth. Now, she did something outside of the norms of society when she went down into the threshing floor to ask for his hand in marriage. She did this on Naomi’s instructions and I suspect that Boaz and Naomi had engineered the whole plot.

He had to pretend to be shocked to see her there that night, but the point is that you cannot “do a Ruth” unless you are absolutely sure that you got that instructions from the Lord. If you did not, you could be in lots of trouble, because Boaz could have had Ruth arrested in the social sense and treated as a prostitute (stoned). That man can stone you psychologically and emotionally when you put yourself in his power in that way. Even Samson saw his woman (nevertheless the wrong one) and did all he could in his power to get her (Judges 14). Let us read and learn.

You may laugh at this, but I know a couple (names withheld for privacy) who got married some years ago. One of their friends spoke at the wedding reception and laughingly told the audience that he himself “had been in the running” for the young woman, but that the bridegroom had snatched her away. Now the bridegroom was a very quiet and unassuming young man in contrast to the friend who was very outgoing and gregarious. I always laugh at the memory as we all did at the reception. However, the point is that the groom saw what he wanted and got her hand in marriage.

No need to sweat, women, because pursuit does not really work. It has a backhanded way of failing. Now if you succeeded, great for you, but that man will hold it over your head forever and where is your self-esteem? I know that men in the church seem to need to be hit over their heads with a hammer and the issue of marriage seems out of sight for many women of the faith.

Is it because people keep reminding us that we are sisters and brothers in the Lord and the men really see us in the light of sisters? This answer eludes me. God be praised. There is more to come, but I will deal with these issues next time in the will of the Lord.